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unexpected impact of detrimental venus transiting my midheaven, and mercury/mars also in my 10th trine to my “anti-capitalism” signature placements (uranus/saturn/neptune in 2H capricorn): I’D LIKE TO BROADCAST A MESSAGE ABOUT MONEY.

i share a lot of reflections peripheral to my experience of deconditioning from capitalistic programming here on this cute digital hall of windows/mirrors. i also reference this personal work of mine often when teaching and working with people one on one.

for me, and i imagine for many of us, the process of continuously identifying, working through, and scraping away layers of capitalistic conditioning deals a lot with MONEY MATTERS.

and as a person with natal saturn conjunct neptune and co-present with uranus in my second house - i have a lot to reimagine, figure out, and breakthrough when it comes to matters of financial security.

during and since my first saturn return (2017-2020), i have alluded both here and in sessions and classes to my growth in this area. and i feel called in this moment to make a few things really clear:

  • i have less money than i did pre-saturn return. i have no savings.

  • i have more debt than i did pre-saturn return. i paid off my student loan just last week, but have thousands of dollars (probably more than you think) in credit card debt and am partnered with someone with immense amounts of student loan debt.

  • i have less predictability around my upcoming income than i ever have before.

while i am steadily increasing my potential for making money (honestly more through healing, trusting myself, and taking leaps of faith than through any strategizing, budgeting, or business planning), at this moment in time, i make enough money regularly to pay for expenses and live comfortably, but am not paying off debt in any significant way. i still choose to purchase readings from fellow practitioners monthly if not more often. i still order food when i want to. i still travel when i want to. i still pay full price for workshops and higher investment courses when i feel called to learn more and study with people.

and yet i still feel like i have taken off so many layers of heavy clothes that were keeping me from feeling free, financially. i recognize my current position as the best i’ve ever been in when it comes to matters of the 2nd house.

the progress that i’ve made probably doesn’t look like what you think when i talk about how much i learned and acquired and figured out around money and financial security. it looks like this:

  • i have developed a much clearer and authentic understanding of what both “security” and “(fiscal) responsibility” actually mean to me and how that contrasts to society’s definition of it.

  • i have learned to recognize the security and abundance that i experience every single day of my life as a primary focus rather than the financial unknowns that living in this state of unfettered and falling capitalism make inevitable.

  • i now orient myself more towards what i have agency over, such as how i use my incredibly valuable and precious time, energy, and resources, and less towards what is not within dominion of my personal agency, such as living in an oppressive and exploitative system designed to keep me in a state of financial dependency and consumption, in which even if i did go against every aspect of my nature and take on an unaligned full time job, i would still likely not be able to “get ahead,” and would also be making myself ill. (we love it when that 2nd house uranus square a bunch of aries rage comes through in a massive run on sentence don’t we?).

i wanted to share all of this to support a potential reframe for anyone who could use one - that what SUCCESS and STABILITY and RESPONSIBILITY look like is: a) different for each of us and b) NOT like what our overlords want us to think it is.

there are so many forms of security outside of savings and investments and property. security can look like skillsets, relationships, opportunities, possibility, presence, breath.

if my situation sounds hellishly and chaotically not like security to you - well that makes sense 'cause i’m not you! but note, if you’d like, that i have never in my life felt as empowered to honor my intuition, to make myself and my gifts and my particular type of magic available to my communities and the world at large, and to do exactly and only the work that feels correct to me, than i do today. i say this honestly and loudly while recognizing my unpredictable income and my loads of debt that ain’t going anywhere fast (unless someone feels called to help pay some of it off in which case hi hello i welcome your gift and it would be a pretty epic and revolutionary practice of resistance).

i am not attempting to bypass the reality of this beyond problematic system we live in. i’ve been raging against the machine since i was 18 years old. i knew one year into my entry into the “workforce” that it wasn’t going for me, and then i fought a losing battle to that knowing for eight years while i witnessed very clearly that it also didn’t work for thousands of students and families i worked with nor for the large majority of my friends.

and now, i’ve learned and am learning to rage against the machine while also actively prioritizing my well-being, my joy, my values, and my knowing. i want you to know that when i speak of my personal healing around money shit, i am NOT measuring my security, success, or stability according to the system that i am actively divesting from. i am measuring it in moments of truth. in access to freedom and autonomy. in alignment between what i want my daily life to look and feel like and what it actually does.

your deconditioning process is unique to you. as is your relationship to money and all the above topics. i can’t tell you what it looks like, but i can support you in your process of learning it and aligning with it.

thanks for tuning in :)

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