humility in human design
i look forward to the day when my own neurotic ego-mind tendencies are but a memory and this whole post is irrelevant to my own witnessing.
hey guys 👋🏼
the hd space from (where i watch it and intend to engage with it) is not a war zone. it’s not a court room. it’s not a competition.
it doesn’t have teams, or good guys, or bad guys.
from where i watch and engage (in my clearest moments, at least), it is a field of individuals, helplessly playing in the maia, spiraling through a conditioning-deconditioning dance, coming into fleeting connections as brought to us sometimes through our geometry and sometimes through our woundedness and sometimes both. (is it always both?)
as outer authorities to each other, we are all influencers. larger follower accounts do not indicate legitimacy any more than smaller accounts indicate a lack of such. larger following accounts do not indicate one as being problematic or harmful with their personal expression anymore than smaller follower accounts indicate a righteousness of some kind. it’s wild how much meaning we project onto these things, huh?! the maia is honestly sort of an incredible and almost even beautiful force to witness do its thing, when we’re able to really be witness.
as differentiated beings &/or homogenized conditioned zombies doing our best day to day to tap more into the former, each of us is equally entitled to expression. we get to say what we see, regardless of type. regardless of years in the experiment. regardless of our channels, gates, or lines. our design elements are not permission or non permission. they just are.
not a single one of us is transmitting pure source material, nor should we be (nor is it possible to). we are differentiated expressions of the program, and how we understand and experiment with human design for ourselves and talk about it as outer authorities for others is never going to be the same. could you imagine if it was? how boring. how homogenized. how completely not the point.
no matter how much we love “source” (i do. big ra stan over here. give it to me straight, baby. i’m actually a big ra defender, fellow 5th line closed aura here to advocate for leaving the man alone bc everyone is fucking threatened and projecting. but that also means checking ourselves for looking to him as a gold standard and guruification, eh? ok anyways…), there is no getting around that we are all interpreting this system through our own differentiated lenses. it’s the only thing that is mechanically possible! even sharing a direct quote comes through the filter of our unique motivation, our unique frequency! wild! incredible! cool! just as it should be and the only way it ever could be!
the point (? a potential?) of engaging with awareness in the way human design equips us to is not to suppress information or expression - even if its misleading or homogenizing - but rather to sharpen our own resonance radars so that no one has to suppress anything and we all can take responsibility for our selves. i am sooooo into that and it’s a massive part of what draws me to hd.
when we do this (sharpen our own resonance radars), we can watch what we perceive to be misinformation or “distortion” without projecting onto it some internalized ego-mind agenda to be a savior. we are ALL programmed to do the latter. we are not bad or wrong when it happens. but when we focus on our own resonance and our own authority filter, we see what is for us and we engage with what is for us. we let the rest do its thing.
sometimes what doesn’t resonate is also for us to see. it is then that we get to watch all the little narratives pop in around rightness and wrongness. we get to see all the patterns of conditioning that we have about teams, belonging, good guys and bad guys, and which one we are. defense mechanisms come online and our ego-minds try to weaponize the information we’ve taken in - no matter how sourcey or poppy, no matter how correct or incorrect, and the language of hd becomes fodder for our not self minds to use in convincing us that there’s something to *do.* something to say. something to fix. something to fight. we end up forfeiting the peace or satisfaction or success or surprise of passenger consciousness to those old narratives of control and proving and should.
none of us are above this dance, or free of the projection field. it can be exhausting! it can be illuminating! i am not perfect at passenger consciousness! neither are you! neither are the people who influence you and who you learn from! i don’t know everything! neither do you! neither do the people who influence you and who you learn from!
and yet, we still express, we still engage, we still watch each other, we still teach.
we make our silly little memes and our silly little reels and our silly little infographics and we share our silly little heretical takes. we impact, generate, guide, and reflect the maia, the program, and the truth, in various combinations and to various extents.
we come together, we come apart. we relate, we disagree. we condition each other. it’s up to each of us to watch our own experiences in the conditioning field as this all goes on.
how we engage with what we see another person sharing from their vantage point is a part of our own experiment.
it’s not about pop vs source. it’s not about help vs harm. it’s about personal orientation, differentiated awareness. it’s not about us vs them. it’s only about you. *squinty-face at the simultaneous pain and liberation of this awareness.*
humility is a game changer. when the maia-smoke is consuming your vantage point with its story of right and wrong and good and bad and its convincing take that you and everyone else is one or the other, it can hurt at first to relax into humility. but once you disarm yourself, and remember you’re helpless and just as susceptible to conditioning and ego-mind as literally anyone else, it’s a relief. in my experience, this is an over and over again energetic shift. not a one time thing. and the more i think i’m all set, the more those first moments of disarming and relaxing into humility will sting, when they eventually come for me. but even then, it is always all good, always way better, freer, clearer, after.
take the pressure off of yourself to get it “right” and notice how much less you feel a need to determine whether anyone else - your teachers, your guides, your clients, your weird little IG adversaries - are getting it “right” themselves.
literally everything here and everything i ever challenge or provoke or judge or invite is a reminder to my silly little not self mind, too.